“This is a fragile life.  We are all precariously walking that line between existence here and existence beyond, perhaps some closer to the side of beyond than others, but either way. you just. never. know.” Katy Dill of “No Big Dill” {08.26.15}

Our life together was almost too good. Not perfect, but almost too good.

Writing this post has been on our hearts and minds for weeks, yet it seemed that by typing the words it turned our nightmare into reality. Emotionally, we did not want this to be our new reality. It wasn’t part of our plan. Our sister losing her husband at a young age; 3 precious girls losing their daddy; his parents losing their only child and our family losing a son-in-law / brother-in-law.

We began our blog to share our joy of sewing, while documenting our nieces’ lives. Today is about documenting and sharing things that we never dreamed would become part of the fabric of our lives. We want to say something profound, but we find ourselves at a loss of words and daily have difficulty believing that this is our new “normal”.

We are missing a stair step. Our brother-in-law, Eric,  was a perfect fit with our family, filling the four year age gap between Emily and “sister momma” by splitting the age difference. There were two years between each of us. Now, there is a void; a missing step.

Today, we find ourselves looking at the return addresses on stacks of sympathy cards and feeling the love and the care of someone who took the time to send it. But, we struggle to open them. Again, that makes our nightmare real.

We know that you have grown to love our precious nieces, therefore we feel compelled to share with you that our family was struck with sudden tragedy when their dad (our brother-in-law) drowned in a very bizarre event on Saturday, August 8. Even at this time and after an autopsy was performed, we are not sure what exactly happened. He had mowed the grass at their lake house and decided to take a dip in the lake to cool off. He got in the water with a ‘pool noodle’, waved at our sister and the girls who were playing in the sandbox, then went around to the opposite side of the boathouse and out of view of our sister. Something happened, but we don’t know what and will more than likely never know what happened.

Working with the girls through the grieving process has proven what we already knew: children are resilient and, quite often, very “matter of fact”. We have talked of memories, funny times, and drawn pictures together. The night after the tragedy, EA prayed, “Dear God, thank you for the great day even though daddy drowned; he is having fun in heaven. In Jesus’ name, Amen.” CL, on the other hand, when the doorbell would ring would state, “Maybe it is daddy!”. By allowing them to talk, reminding them of fun times, and looking at pictures, we are hoping to instill memories that will last a lifetime.

Since the tragedy, we have felt love from all walks of life . . . immediately. Absolutely, positively outpouring of love. Some of Sara’s {sister momma} friends created a username on the site, takethemameal.com, for friends from church, work, classmates, neighborhood, or anywhere else could sign-up to bring a meal. This has been a great way to collaborate with various ‘groups’ of friends. Right now, they will be provided with 3 meals a week essentially through the end of the year which is as far as the site will allow you to sign-up. Their yard work is being taken care of through year’s end. Flowers, cards, calls, gift cards, a vacation fund, a college fund, a memorial fund, offers of help with the children, etc. have been plentiful. So many people willing to offer a helping hand . . . if only she can find something for them to do. Eric’s “work family” has gone above and beyond – working through their mourning {at times on Saturdays}, giving patients an avenue to come and pay their respects, and ultimately having a daily visitation with those coming to the office to cry, laugh, and remember. Not only has the help been extended to Sara, but also to us. Emily missed the first 3 days of school while co-workers were more than willing to start her new class off on the right foot; Ashley was in the middle of football programs when her co-workers jumped in and worked overtime to guarantee all deadlines were met and customers were happily satisfied; we’ve had people spend hours mowing our grass, teaching our Sunday school class, cooking food for us, and bringing us our beloved diet cokes and chocolate.  And most importantly, praying on our behalf. We are truly blessed.

No matter how tragic an event is, life continues. Ants were overtaking their house. Their dog was fighting potential infection from a recent surgery she had and was having to have her sore drained frequently. Then, there was the two car accident between Sara and our parents who had parked their van in a precarious position in the driveway. She “nailed it” for lack of a better term. Eventually, we were able to chuckle a little about this one, but we aren’t to the belly laughing phase, yet.

Overall, we feel as if we have been in a fog; simply taking one day, one hour, one minute at a time. As our sister added another year to her life, we participated in a “Celebration of Eric’s Life”. To say it was a blur would be an understatement, but it felt like time stood still when EA took center stage and serenaded those in attendance with her violin. She didn’t miss a beat, literally; and while we doubt there was a dry eye in the packed church building, each of us were holding our breath.

So, in celebrating Eric’s life, what would he want the girls to know {from our vantage point}:

1) He loved them and would do anything for them {almost to a fault at times}.

2) He loved their mother and had many exciting plans for their future.

3) Their mommy loves them and wants what is best for them more than anyone else.

4) And while he loved all of them, God loves them even more and is going to take care of them.

5) Mayonnaise, butter, and icing are yucky.

6) There is always room for a yogurt treat, even after you’ve just stuffed your face.

7) Be prepared, and save your money for a rainy day.

8) Find something you love to do and be passionate about it.

9) Never give up; you can do anything you put your mind to.

10) Play to your competition’s weak points. For instance, when playing Boggle with two early birds keep them up to the wee hours of the morning trying to squeak out a win. . .even if at the end it doesn’t work out for you.

11) Nothing compares to a Milo’s hamburger.

12) There is always time to visit another playground.

13) Never eat chocolate or drink caffeine too late in the day or you’ll be up all night.

14) Socialize. Take time to listen and get to know people.

15) Smile. Lots. To the point your eyes disappear. And your happiness will be contagious.

16) You can NEVER wash your hands or brush and floss your teeth too many times in one day.

17) Even daddies can do forward rolls.

18) Parties are a big deal! But, a water slide for an October birthday might not have been the best idea. And, a 50th wedding anniversary scheduled 2 weeks before LG’s due date wasn’t the wisest move since now . . . it’s her birthday!

19) Frozen cookies made him feel like a chef {and are eaten by the plate, not the cookie}.

20) Saturdays are for sleeping in and eating donuts.

21) He loved getting you all stirred up and squealing with delight. “The tickle monster” would get that result every time!!

22) Learn the Heimlich maneuver. You never know when you might save a life!

23) The best sleep comes on a king size bed, in complete darkness, without a sound to be heard.

24) He liked to shop for you and your mom.

25) Rivalries are not for watching in mixed company.

26) Family pictures {and videos} are a priority – anytime, anywhere. Well, except for “pregnancy pictures” . . .

So, where does this leave our blog? We will still be here, but not as frequently due to bathing little bodies and feeding hungry tummies. Helping our sister, who lives an hour away and loving our nieces has become our number one priority now. Also, our posts may shift gears slightly and on occasion with the focus being on children and the grieving process and installing those memories for them to hold dear to their hearts.

Stay tuned. . .we even have a few sewing posts ready in our queue ready for release, but haven’t had the heart to share them yet. We’ve missed you all and are hoping sewing will be therapeutic.

We are faithful and know that we are going to get through this with God’s help. We ask that you pray for our strength and healing in the upcoming days, weeks, and years to come. Pray especially for our sister, Sara, the girls, and Eric’s parents.

Love to each and every one of you, our friends. . .

Ashley and Emily

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